Communicating Forgiveness
Monday, February 22 2010, 02:24 PM EST
Four words can be the hardest words in the English language to say. But these four words can change everything.
Four words are lightly, if ever, used these days. These four words come in pairs and can mean the difference between success or failure within a relationship – any relationship – particularly with children. These four words can begin a whole world of peaceful communication and may even end wars in certain circumstances. They can give relief to the hopeless and comfort to the blinded. They can mean the difference between your children and grandchildren growing up demanding, spoiled and unconscionable or growing up caring, altruistic and unpretentious.
One pair of these words is, ‘I’m sorry’, and the other pair of words is, ‘I forgive’. The word, ‘I’, assumes that you have done something wrong or the other person has done something wrong to you. That’s not always the case. Even if the other person is in the wrong or angry without a cause, saying “I’m sorry” can defuse, and release the other person to either admit fault or forgive. If you are sincere when you say, “I’m sorry” you release yourself of a heavy burden and you gain strength.
Over the years I watched my father go from an angry man with high blood pressure and a bad heart to an almost 91 year old man who forgives and admits fault (most of the time). His blood pressure is almost always under 120/75 and his pulse is almost always under 65. How did he do it? I’d say he has learned the value of forgiveness. He’s learned to realize when he has no need to be upset. He can see his own fault at times. He’s learned the most valuable lesson of his life – he can control his own body with four words. He has extended his life, he is unencumbered by baggage, and he stays out of the hospital by so doing. Oh, how I wish he had learned this when we were children! But, I forgive him. Guess it’s better late than never for him and a true lesson for us, his children, to learn now – before it’s too late.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes, "to forgive means to cover, to take away; to pardon; and to be gracious to. When we forgive, it means to lift the penalty and to pardon the offender. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a decision."
When we forgive and ask forgiveness we can be sure that something has been lifted from us as well as others. Take it from my 90+-year-old dad, “Why be upset? It doesn’t do any good and only makes your blood pressure rise.”
So, I forgive y’all. I’m sorry if I offended anyone in writing this.
That's all I've got for now.
Blessings,
Pola
Four words are lightly, if ever, used these days. These four words come in pairs and can mean the difference between success or failure within a relationship – any relationship – particularly with children. These four words can begin a whole world of peaceful communication and may even end wars in certain circumstances. They can give relief to the hopeless and comfort to the blinded. They can mean the difference between your children and grandchildren growing up demanding, spoiled and unconscionable or growing up caring, altruistic and unpretentious.
One pair of these words is, ‘I’m sorry’, and the other pair of words is, ‘I forgive’. The word, ‘I’, assumes that you have done something wrong or the other person has done something wrong to you. That’s not always the case. Even if the other person is in the wrong or angry without a cause, saying “I’m sorry” can defuse, and release the other person to either admit fault or forgive. If you are sincere when you say, “I’m sorry” you release yourself of a heavy burden and you gain strength.
Over the years I watched my father go from an angry man with high blood pressure and a bad heart to an almost 91 year old man who forgives and admits fault (most of the time). His blood pressure is almost always under 120/75 and his pulse is almost always under 65. How did he do it? I’d say he has learned the value of forgiveness. He’s learned to realize when he has no need to be upset. He can see his own fault at times. He’s learned the most valuable lesson of his life – he can control his own body with four words. He has extended his life, he is unencumbered by baggage, and he stays out of the hospital by so doing. Oh, how I wish he had learned this when we were children! But, I forgive him. Guess it’s better late than never for him and a true lesson for us, his children, to learn now – before it’s too late.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes, "to forgive means to cover, to take away; to pardon; and to be gracious to. When we forgive, it means to lift the penalty and to pardon the offender. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a decision."
When we forgive and ask forgiveness we can be sure that something has been lifted from us as well as others. Take it from my 90+-year-old dad, “Why be upset? It doesn’t do any good and only makes your blood pressure rise.”
So, I forgive y’all. I’m sorry if I offended anyone in writing this.
That's all I've got for now.
Blessings,
Pola
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